During the summer months, most households take a break from the daily school year rigor.  The days are longer, so everyone tends to go to bed later and camps often don’t begin until 9 a.m., so it means the kids can sleep in a bit.  Often, what is considered a special privilege for after homework, like watching television and playing video games, become daily activities.  It’s good for kids to have some downtime to relax and enjoy some freedom, but with this lack of structure, some families find a breakdown in their children’s normal behavior.  A basically well-behaved, attentive child might lose a bit of his social skills during this time of the year.  If you find this happening in your home, here are some tips to get your children back on track and listening to you once again.

1. Make eye contact

When you are ready for your child to turn off the television and get dressed for camp, don’t just scream out directions.  Instead, walk over to your child, squat to your child’s eye-level and make direct eye contact to get her attention. 

2.  Use simple language

Direct your request by starting it with the child’s name.  Then proceed with a simple, short and direct sentence.  “Rebecca, will you please put your shorts and t-shirt on.”  Explain to her why it must be done.  “We have to leave for camp in 10 minutes.”  This gives the child an understanding of the purpose of your request and makes it difficult to ignore.

3.  Keep The Directive Short

You may want the child to do a long list of things before leaving the house, but try to resist issuing these instructions all at once.  The child will start to tune you out after a few sentences.  Start with one directive and when the child has accomplished it, move on to the next item.  “Now that you have gotten dressed, please brush your teeth and hair.  Then we can get in the car to get there on time.”

4.  Have request repeated back

After you make the request while continuing to look your child in the eyes, ask her to repeat it back.  This will ensure that she is paying attention and respecting your authority. 

5.  Be positive

Give your child positive feedback when they listen and successfully accomplish the task.  This will encourage them to continue to pay attention. 

6.  Use rewards if necessary

If your child starts to balk at the request, use a reward system.  This can be a sticker chart for an end goal, or something that provides immediate gratification. “When you get yourself ready for camp, then you can watch a little more television.”  “If you get ready quickly, you will have time to watch a little more television.” 

You will find that making direct contact with your child prior to making a request, works well with toddlers to teenagers.  If you have a hard time getting your teenagers to come downstairs for dinner when you call out “it’s dinner time come downstairs”, then walk up to her room and engage with the child for a few moments about what they are currently doing.  Then ask them to come downstairs for dinner.  This will show them that you are interested in their world, but are serious about wanting them to come for dinner.  

For further parenting skills and techniques, it’s never too late to a parenting class online.  High quality programs that are designed and run by licensed therapists will include the most current information on successful parenting.  They are low-cost and easy to access from the convenience of your own home 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  Give yourself the information you need to run a low stress home!

Creating structure and routines for your children is crucial in creating a stable, happy home environment.   Every family has a different set of routines, but they are important because they help everyone know what they should be doing at designated times.  Children thrive in predictable environments where daily routines are established and they learn what is and is not appropriate. 

Giving children a set of routines enables them to have a sense of security in their daily life.  It gives them a sense of control in a world in which they are constantly being told what to do by adults.  It helps them to feel organized and safe and frees up their minds to take on new challenges and learn new things.  For example, if a child knows that every night he should brush his teeth before bed, this routine gives him the power to know he is helping to prevent cavities.  If a child is allowed to brush some nights, but not others, he doesn’t learn the importance or significance of the activity and can be left with an underlying nervous feeling that something isn't right.

Structure also teaches children self-control.  They are taught what is expected of them at a certain point in the day, and they learn that is the appropriate acceptable behavior.  For example, everyday we have breakfast, brush our teeth, get dressed and leave for school by 7:30 a.m.  We don’t watch television, read a book, or play legos before school because then we will be late.  A schedule ensures consistency and the child learns that if he follows it, he will arrive at school on time and ready for his day. 

Children who come from houses that are disorganized don’t learn the habits they need to succeed in life.  If there is no set time to do homework, it might get overlooked; if there is no place to put the laundry, it might end up not getting washed; if there is no set time to eat a meal, the child might end up grazing on junk food all day.  Creating an organized household teaches children when to get things done for a successful conclusion. This routine lessens the uncertainty and stress of daily life. 

The everyday steps that we teach our children at a young age can serve as building blocks for the rest of their lives.  If they come from an organized home in which there is a place for everything, then when they set-up their desks at school, they will have a reference to draw from.  If we establish that playtime is when we play and mealtime is when we eat and socialize with our family, then there will be less of a struggle to have them sit at the dinner table. 

Routines also help children handle transitions more easily.  When children are young, it is sometimes difficult to get them to move from the house to the park to the supermarket, and back home.  When we see toddlers having tantrums, it is sometimes an unexpected transition that has prompted it.  Parents find it is beneficial to give 5 minute warnings before moving on to the next activity, and then doing just that.  

Of course, it is also important that parents are flexible in certain situations.  If the child is feeling sick, then by all means, missing a meal is acceptable.  If the parents need to go out-of-town on business, then Grandma can change things up for a couple days without permanent damage.  For more information on parenting tools to raising a healthy, well-balanced child, an online parenting class provides many benefits.  They are conveniently taken from any internet based computer, are low-cost and provide hours of parenting education.

Are boys getting a bad rap these days?  We expect them to act and behave a certain way, but are we providing them with the appropriate environment to successfully achieve this behavior?  We know that boys are more active than girls, however, we drive them to school, walk them into class, and then expect them to sit patiently in their seats for hours on end.  At least in previous generations, kids would often have the ability to walk or ride their bikes to school, which would help get some energy out prior to the day starting.  Today we are so worried about safety, that our kids are often driven from door to door.

In that vain, our son’s kindergarten teacher told me on the first day of school that she had been teaching for 18 years and she hadn’t seen a dramatic change in the energy level of boys over the years, however, our expectations of how long they must sit and concentrate in a controlled environment has increased.  As parents, we have become a much more competitive group, expecting an increased level of academics taught at earlier ages.  Thirty years ago,  kindergarten generally meant sending your child to school for the first time, and it was often optional.  The year would be spent playing, learning to be away from mom and dad, learning how to get along with others, and the ABC’s.  Today many children come into kindergarten with a couple years of pre-school under their belt.  Parents are looking for them to learn how to read, which in turn creates a more academic atmosphere with more emphasis on sitting still.

After a few months, some parents in the class started to get calls from the teacher.  Although she understood the high-energy behavior, these boys were too disruptive in class and were causing problems for the other 20 kids that were able to sit quietly and pay attention.  These parents of “high-energy” boys needed to do something, or find somewhere else better suited for their kids.  Some parents, in complete despair, ran to the pediatrician asking if their boys needed to be on meds for ADHD.  The general feedback from pediatricians that year was not to put these boys on Ritalin, but to get them more exercise!  Studies as well as basic observation have shown that boys need more physical activity than girls.  While in the old days, boys could ride bikes to school and then come home and run around the neighborhood for hours, now many are stuck in the “safety” of their family rooms playing computer games. 

Our lifestyles and thinking has changed over the generations and we expect more from our kids than ever before.  Furthermore, many of us don’t have family (grandparents) living in the area to help us with advice on how to raise our kids.  If you are looking for additional support to help with your parenting skills, taking online parenting classes can be extremely beneficial.  OnlineParentClass.com  is a great resource to learn new parenting techniques to address raising children today.  They are low-cost, can be taken at your convenience from any computer with web-access and will provide a great deal of information to help with the parenting challenges we face today.

In the fifties and sixties, mothers stayed home to raise their children.  It was a full-time job that included cooking homemade meals, keeping the house clean, doing the laundry, getting the kids to doctors appointments, school and other activities on time and helping with homework.   The husband generally was away at work for 8 – 10 hours of the day and would come home to expect dinner made, the house and kids clean and everyone behaving appropriately. 

In the seventies with the onset of the women’s liberation movement, the number of working women increased by 42% as they matriculated into jobs that were once considered only for men.  At this point, women began to look for help in taking care of the daily household duties, as well as with raising the kids.  By the eighties, there was no question that as women we were all going to go to college and would eventually start a career.  Children and a husband were a part of the picture, but not the entire vision.  In fact, by 1986 women were 15% of the nations lawyers, 40% of the computer programmers and 29% of the country’s managers and administrators. 

Women today have numerous opportunities and lifestyles to choose from. The ability to work has given women more freedom to support themselves and have interests outside of the home.  However, a major challenge that has come with this accomplishment has been managing children, a husband, a household and a career.  Mothers today are expected to do it all, and with this comes sacrifices.  Specifically, working women have less time to parent and spend time with their children.   Just like fathers in the fifties, women today might have a schedule that only allows time with their family at night and on the weekends.  Often this time might be filled with making a quick dinner, chores, bill paying, or grocery shopping, further reducing quality one-on-one time. 

It is important that as mothers, wives, and women in the workplace, it is remembered that of primary importance is raising healthy, well-balanced, happy kids.  Our paycheck might enable us to buy them all the electronics, toys and clothing they desire, but what children need most is quality time with their parents.  This is relaxed time that is focused on whatever they need or want to talk about, giving them the opportunity to confide to you any issues they are having in school or with friends. This is the time to keep you aware of any potential problems, to support and give advice on decisions and to generally be a sounding board for their own struggles. 

If you are a mom working hard to juggle multiple responsibilities, it is worthwhile to allot some time in your busy schedule to take an online parenting class as part of your ongoing education.  You might think that you already know it all, but these classes will teach you the most current techniques in stress reduction, empathic listening, and communication.  These are all skills that can help in the workplace as well.  You can spend as little as 4 hours on a class that can be taken from the convenience of your own home, at any time of the day or night.  These classes will help improve your relationships with your children and the overall well-being of your family.  Make time for your children now, and they will make time for you. 

Being a single parent can pose an intriguing amount of dilemmas, but along with its challenges, come the rewards. This is your chance to shine and raise happy, well-balanced children that you love and adore.  A single parent can be just as effective as two parents, but you must be sure to think about your own needs as well as that of your kids.  You will be of no use to anyone if you aren’t happy and fulfilled in your own life.  Here are some of the most useful pieces of advice you can follow:

1) Find People to Support You

The fact is that you don’t have a spouse to rely on.  Do not pity yourself, but rather allow yourself to open up to other people for help and support. This group of people can include your family members or friends. One of the best methods of developing support is by finding other parents or even teachers that can give you guidance based on experience. They can become excellent guides for you as you proceed along the path of parenthood.

2) Find Time to Relax

Yes, you have the huge responsibility and workload of taking care of children, but keep in mind that everyone needs a break now and then.  Don’t worry about being selfish or inconsiderate to the kids if you need to hire a babysitter for a couple of hours so you can do something enjoyable for yourself.  This will help you relax and put you in a better frame of mind, both imperative to being an effective parent.  

3) Importance of Scheduling

A single parent has to remain organized 24/7 and nothing is better than having a schedule.  Put up a calendar on the fridge, or somewhere where everyone in the household can see it.  Do your best to not overbook, remember you are just one person.  Assign simple chores to the child and write down all appointments and activities.  This will help to keep your days in order and give your child a sense of stability.  The more information a child is armed with, the more important and included the child feels.  This will translate into a calmer, less stressful day.

4) Remain in a Positive Frame of Mind

A positive attitude is crucial as a single parent. There are times when you might struggle to find the positive side of your struggles, but do your best to look for the silver lining. It might be in your child’s smile or laughter, in a positive comment made by a coworker or by a flower blooming in your garden.  Look at all the happiness in your life and be thankful for what you have.  A positive frame of mind will lead to improved health both physically and mentally as a parent. Also, children mimic the behavior they see in their parents.  If you are depressed and negative, they will feed off these feelings and it will create a negative atmosphere overall.

5) No one is Perfect

Keep in mind that no one is perfect, so don't try to be. The other parents that arrive everyday at school for pick-up exactly on time, perfectly pressed and happy are not always how they appear to be.  Remember that everyone has stuff going on behind the scenes, we all make mistakes, and no one is perfect.  Do not get down on yourself if you feel like you can’t live up to what other parents are doing.  Focus on your own behavior and how you can make yourself a better parent/person.    

For single parents looking for additional parenting support, online parenting classes can be extremely beneficial.  They are easy to use, low-cost, available in Spanish from some providers and full of the most current techniques to help you refine your parenting skills.  You can take log-in and out of the classes any time of the day or night depending on your schedule. Be sure to select a course by a licensed, practicing therapist who is available for you to talk if you have any specific parenting questions.