Every parent has experienced some sort of meltdown with his or her toddler at one time or another. It’s actually a common response in children between the ages of 1 and 4. If it happens once in a while when the child is tired, hungry or sick, it’s uncomfortable but understandable since children at that age generally don’t have the tools to explain their despair. However, it’s when the behavior becomes a regular daily habit that parents need to figure out what is triggering the meltdowns and learn appropriate ways to stop it.
When a child starts having a tantrum, especially if out in public, the caregivers initial response is usually to give the child what he or she wants to get them to be quiet. However, this response is harmful in the long run because it teaches the child that this is how they can get their way. Research shows that if the tantrum isn’t harmful, for the best results parents should ignore the behavior. As our pediatrician would tell us, walk away from the scene and withdraw your attention because even negative attention tends to feed into the behavior. Instead, wait until the child tries to calm down and then become involved by giving them praise for gaining control of their actions.
During this holiday season you will probably be spending time in other people’s homes for celebrations. You might be driving long distances, staying in cramped quarters or just spending a long day away from your child’s normal routine. Your best bet for preventing bad behavior is to start talking to your child about upcoming events now. The more they know about what to expect, the better. And, by planning ahead. If you know that you will spend time out shopping with family or visiting at different homes, bring your child’s regular snacks in case they won’t eat what’s served. Sometimes tantrums are due to the child feeling a lack of control over the situation. Letting him or her decide what they are going to wear that day or what toys they want to bring with them will help them feel like they had a say in the matter and are a part of the process. Try to stick with routine during your stay as much as possible, including naps and bedtime. Furthermore, if you begin to notice that a tantrum is coming on, try to divert their attention to a new activity.
So what to do if none of this works and you are out at a fancy restaurant with extended family that haven’t seen you in years? Sometimes, you just can’t ignore the situation so you have to take some sort of action. Behavior specialists suggest removing your child from the situation and taking him to a quiet spot for a time-out. This might be the car or somewhere outside. Stay calm and talk to them in a soothing voice. If they see that you are rattled, it will contribute to their own hysteria. Don’t try to reason with them, but give them time to vent, cool down and snap out of it. Once they have regained their composure, be sure to go back to the event otherwise they will learn that this is their way out of something they don’t want to do. Finally, praise good and appropriate behavior.