Today a client mentioned that she was interested in taking some parenting classes because she is about to get married and her new husband has two young kids from a previous marriage. She doesn’t have kids of her own yet and wants to be prepared with the latest information and skills so she can be the best parent possible for a preschooler and elementary aged child. The kids will be living with them every other week so she will have a huge impact on their lives and even though she’s already spent a lot of time with them, she’s a bit nervous. She brought up that she had a very strong foundation because her own parents were both very active in her life while she was growing up and she too wanted to be an engaged step-parent without being too overbearing. This is a key point, especially in today’s world in which our kids are barraged with images from video games, TV and in the movies that may not be age appropriate. This generation is also growing up with cell phones, texting and online social media sites that never existed in previous generations. It’s a lot to take in and handle and it’s up to us to help guide them through the confusion along with all of life’s basic challenges in school and with friends.
We have the power as parents and step-parents to build self-esteem in our kids, become strong role models for them, encourage good judgment and help them learn to become responsible, empathetic and well-balanced adults. The way to do this is to take an active role in your child’s life. Even if you can’t be “Room Mom” because you have to work, schedule time every day to not just spend time with but also genuinely connect with your kids. This will pay off at every stage in their life. In fact a 2007 study from the U.S. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration shows that there is a direct correlation between parental involvement and the prevention of drug and alcohol use in teens.
It all starts at home by implementing some if not all of the following suggestions:
1. Read to your child. From as early on as possible, take the time to read aloud to your kids. This gives you peaceful time with him or her during which he might feel comfortable to open up about his day and feelings. It also increases his ultimate reading success.
2. Make time for quality activities. It’s not necessarily the quantity, but how you spend the time you do have. Talk to them openly, listen, exercise together, and go to their sporting events, recitals, or plays. Watch television together and then discuss what was viewed. Interact in positive ways.
3. Express your pride in them and reward them not only when they’ve received an honor, but also while they are putting in the work. For example, to build self-esteem, compliment your child on the hours he is spending on creating his science project instead of waiting to see the final grade.
4. Ask open-ended questions, not just ones that require a yes or no answer. Listen to their thoughts and ideas showing empathy and without making judgment. This might sometimes be difficult to take, but it will help to create a strong level of communication.
5. Establish a daily routine that includes quiet time (either for rest when they are young or study as they get older), household chores, meals together as a family and a set bedtime. Children thrive on structure and giving them responsibilities at home helps to build self-confidence.