Last week my son came home with a print out from his elementary school teacher that was meant for the parents. It was titled Common Mistakes Parents Today Make and was food for thought to tie-in with the month long “Kids of Character" program the school is embarking upon. Honestly, the first thing that crossed my mind when I looked at it was that the administration had probably had it with our helicopter parenting and overindulged children. So I sat down and read through the material, which attempted to shed new insight into what many parents are creating by hovering over their kids and micromanaging, their every academic, athletic and social move.
Did you know that many psychologists today are seeing a rising number of depressed people in their twenties? When they are interviewed, these young adults state that they had great childhoods and they rarely experienced major disappointments or tragedy. Now that they are on their own and don’t have their parents to protect them, the realities of adulthood and the normal adversity of life is too overwhelming. In other words, we’ve made their life so easy because we don’t want to see them get hurt or face disappointment that they aren’t prepared for the world after college. So, all our attempts to be good, caring and involved parents might be a bit too much and our kids aren't learning the life-coping skills they need in the long-term.
In order to build kids with strong character, it’s important to think past what will make them happy right now, but about what traits will help them in the long term. Although we all have the best intentions, our actions may not be in the best interest of our kids. Some things to think about are as follows:
1. Child-centered homes. We are so happy to do everything for them and our lives revolve around them. To build a kid of character, an important trait the child needs to possess is to be less selfish and more selfless.
2. Best friends with your kids. Many of us grew up in a generation in which punishments could be physical and severe. We have bad memories so have gone the opposite direction by striving to be their friends. Many parents have lost the position of authority in the household in an attempt to be sure their child likes them. Kids need structure and boundaries to learn the difference between right and wrong behavior.
3. Not accepting negative feedback about your kids. Parents today often don’t want to hear anything troubling about their children. They want a diagnosis to be made and dealt with at school so they don’t have to be made responsible for their child’s behavior. It’s important to remember that our kids aren’t perfect, will make mistakes and it’s up to us to model appropriate behavior.
4. Awards For Participation. The most common theme is that our kids are so used to getting rewards just for showing up that when they get into the real world and are expected to perform and work hard at a job, they don’t know how. In some cases, they don’t even realize that just showing up isn’t enough. To build strong character, a child needs to learn how to lose graciously and that working hard towards a goal will benefit them throughout their life.