After going through a difficult, tense and acrimonious divorce you might feel like you can’t spend one more breath talking with your ex. However, the fact is that this person is not going away and it’s important that you do your best to put aside your old relationship and focus now on the new one that you are about to embark on. This new chapter encompasses a relationship strictly about the kids, not the two of you. This means taking the higher road for the best interest of the children and doing your best to improve communication with your ex by utilizing stress management techniques, listening to his or her ideas to show that their opinions matter and being flexible.
Co-parenting or parenting as a team is not just about dividing your time with the kids equally. Instead it’s a way of raising your children cooperatively so that both parents remain involved even though you aren’t all under one roof. Research on children of divorced parent’s shows that this type of framework helps them to feel more secure, have better self-esteem and the confidence that their welfare comes first. Children thrive on consistency and caregivers that co-parent successfully set similar rules, disciplinary action and rewards in both homes so that kids know exactly what to expect from their behavior.
Parents who are able to overcome their negative feelings towards their ex-spouse for the best interest of the children also give the kids good role models to follow. The act of negotiating fairly and working together to resolve issues teaches kids life skills in problem solving and peaceful conflict resolution. It gives them an unselfish, stable and healthy example to follow.
The good news for the approximately 1.5 million children whose parents separate each year is that while they may feel initially devastated, most kids regroup and recover fairly quickly. Statistics show that kids that experience high levels of conflict between their parents have a harder time, but in the long run, only about 15% of adult children of divorce experience more problems than those growing up in stable families. Armed with this research, most court systems in the U.S. today agree that learning how to properly co-parent is in the best interest of the children involved. Although a parent might have years of experience raising many children, after a contentious divorce, this mode of operation may not come naturally. Often times both caregivers are mandated to take a class on the subject as part of the divorce stipulations to learn or re-learn the best ways to effectively communicate with their children and each other.
Initially, the idea of adding one more thing to an already busy schedule might sound irritating and stressful. However, an easy and highly educational solution is to take your co-parenting class online. This is becoming a more and more popular way to learn the basic steps for co-parenting success. Parents simply enroll online and the class becomes available for them to take from any Internet connected computer device, and at any time of the day or night. This gives caregivers the freedom and flexibility to learn about parenting styles, anger and conflict resolution, empathy training, what mistakes to avoid and how to set-up a co-parenting plan, completely at their own pace and on their own schedule. There’s no reason to leave the house and when the class is completed, the participant receives a Certificate of Completion in the mail to prove to the legal system that the requirement was fulfilled.
If parents can find ways to get past their anger at their ex-spouses and look for things to value in their future relationship, then a strong co-parenting team can develop. It may not be the easiest task, but in the long run it will reap many great rewards in your relationship with your children.