How To Help Your Children During a Stressful Divorce

Getting a divorce is considered one of the top most stressful events a person can face.  The situation can be even worse when there are kids involved and one or both of the spouses are hostile towards each other.  Whenever there is a major life change, things are bound to be difficult.  The question is, what is the best way to deal with this particular situation and keep your children’s best interests in mind.

1.Talk to your child - both you and your spouse are adults and fully responsible for the situation you are in. However, the child is caught in circumstances beyond his control and deserves better. Stay calm in the face of hostility and never vent your frustration on or at your child. Talk to him and explain that it is expected sometimes to confront hostility when two people have invested so much into each other and it doesn't work out.

2. Eliminate the feeling of guilt from the child - Explain that this has nothing to do with him; and he is free to love both parents with all his heart. Tell him in so many words that he should never feel guilty that he loves your ex-spouse. Tell him that what is happening between your ex-spouse and you is completely separate from his relationship with his parent. 

3. Resist fighting in front of the children - it is very painful for the children to see their parents screaming at one another. Resist the temptation to "give it back". Instead, stay calm and try reasoning with your ex-spouse in a conciliatory manner. If you stay calm and keep your ego out of discussion, in most cases it will be possible to persuade your ex-spouse to give in to your request.

4. Try setting up mutually acceptable rules - avoid bickering and arguing by setting up a few rules right at the beginning. It would be conducive if these rules are mediated by someone both of you respect. The rules should be focused on how best to provide emotional stability for the child/ children. Accept that there would be some degree of hostility; try your best to deal with it in a mature way.

5. The last resort is a custody case - please keep in mind that your children's emotions are very important in how they shape up as adults. Do your best to give them as much love as you can. They are resilient and understand much more than you give them credit for.  Berating your ex-spouse in front of them might make you feel better, but is detrimental to their feelings of safety and well-being.  Remember they are observing how you handle everything.  Instead focus on the positive, take the higher road and do your best to keep the legal and emotional battle out of their world.

Parenting classes online for high-conflict divorces can be extremely beneficial in this situation.  The classes will give you the support of a licensed therapist that can be reached with any questions, and the privacy and convenience of staying in your own home.  You will learn how to best deal with this intense situation without detrimentally affecting your children.