As a parent and human you are bound to lose your temper and make mistakes at some point when raising your kids. It’s normal in the heat of the moment to lose your cool and say or do something irrational in response to irrational behavior. We’ve all been there at one time in our lives. However, if you are conscientious and interested in avoiding a repeat of your misstep, here are some basic parenting tips to reflect on and follow:
1. Don’t discipline kids when you are mad! You are highly likely to respond in some way that you don’t really mean. Give yourself some time to calm down before reacting so you can have an appropriate and meaningful conversation.
2. Don’t avoid disciplining your kids because you want them to like you. Children need structure and there are times when you aren’t going to be their favorite parent. When they are raised with clear rules and limits they know what the results of their actions will be and therefore learn how to act in a regulated, controlled way.
3. Don't be inconsistent. Develop a discipline plan proactively, be sure that your kids understand what their punishment will be and stick with it. Do not just make idle threats. They will learn that you don’t really mean what you’re saying and continue with the bad behavior. If you say you will take away their Nintendo DS, then be sure to take it away!
3. Don’t do one thing and say another. Remember your kids are watching your every move. They are observing your ethics, how you treat others, and how you respond to stress and obstacles. If you tell your kids that it’s important to stick with your commitments, but you make up excuses to avoid things you don’t want to do, they will learn this behavior is acceptable. Instead, do your best to model the same behavior you expect from them.
4. Don’t ignore their feelings or in other words, listen closely. It’s important for a child’s self-esteem to know that you are paying attention to what they are telling you. Don’t simply nod and say, “That’s nice”. Or, tell them that there is no reason to be crying. Show empathy for how they feel (even if you think they are overreacting) to let them know you understand and care.
5. Don’t be too overprotective. This age of “helicopter” parents who try to make everything right for their kids might actually be providing a disservice. While it is important to keep them safe, it’s also crucial to let them make mistakes. Learning from setbacks help children to become more resilient.
6. Don’t talk too much. Young children tend to zone out. Keep it straightforward and to the point. There’s no reason to include every detail like when you are talking to a friend.
7. Don’t be afraid to apologize for your actions. If you have reacted in a not so perfect way, show your kids that it’s okay to admit you made a mistake. Some parents don’t like to do this because they feel it might undermine their authority. What it really does is show them how to handle a situation in which they hurt someone else’s feelings.