How Do I Parent A Shy Child?

OK, let me offer you an alternative perspective that will really help you see things in a different light. Shy children are often smart and acutely aware of their surroundings. They are introverts, and introverts count for 50% of the whole population. Being shy and quiet is a normal and healthy personality trait.  Einstein was shy, Marilyn Monroe was shy, and many geniuses were very happy introverts. What every parent should do first and foremost is to not value extraversion over introversion. Don't compare your child with other kids and don't force shy kids to behave in a way that they are not comfortable with.  

Some kids do exhibit a higher degree of shyness which may not be because of a personality trait, but rather because of the environment around them. For example, if there are family conflicts going on at home, like a divorce, or an alcoholic parent, then the shyness might be brought on due to the feelings of insecurity and instability.  Shy kids are often more sensitive than extraverted kids, they keep a lot of things inside, and are somewhat afraid to share them. They might be embarrassed by circumstances in their life and try to fade into the background.  In this situation, it is always helpful if a teacher or family member can step in to help the child talk about his feelings. 

When a child is quiet, it allows them more time to refine their thoughts and ideas as opposed to a child that blurts out whatever is on his mind.  You often see quiet kids come up with impressive drawings, ideas or exhibit impressive skills in manipulating objects or solving puzzles. Their "shyness" is responsible for their gifts.

Before you rush into labeling shyness as a negative trait, try to look it from this perspective first. When you appreciate shyness for what it is, only then you are qualified to parent your child. If you don't appreciate your child's way of being, he or she will feel you attitude, and won't respond to your behavior. He  will feel that you are trying to make him talk or to act a certain way, and will feel uncomfortable. Seek first to understand your child before trying to teach him what you think is best based on your own preconceived notions.

Parenting shy children shouldn't be more difficult than parenting children that are not shy. Introverts often need to feel that you are there for them, and that you understand their quiet nature. You will notice that shy children need more time of their own - give it to them. You will notice shy children thinking before talking and sizing up a situation before acting – appreciate it. Our minds are highly complex, and introvert kids are great as how they are.

As a parent, if you are feeling a bit insecure about the quiet behavior of your child, taking online parenting classes can help.  You will learn more about how to deal with different behaviors in a successful manner.  Taking the classes will benefit your child as well as put your own mind at ease.