This time of year can become especially stressful for newly divorced families. After years of traditionally spending the holidays together as a family unit, now the kids will be with one parent or the other. Children are creatures of habit and thrive when they know what to expect. With this in mind you might be scrambling to come up with something that resembles what they are used to. Regardless, it will be a big change not to have mommy or daddy at the table and might cause some emotional issues at some point during the day.
If it’s your year for custody over the holiday, the best thing you can do is be a strong role model by creating a positive, upbeat atmosphere in the midst of all the change. Maybe this won’t be difficult because you are thrilled to be on your own. However, if you are depressed and feeling lonely, do everything in your power to overcome these feelings in front of the kids, and use your friends as a sounding board to complain to! No matter how frustrated you are with your ex-spouse, don’t say bad things about him or her. Your relationship is not their responsibility and this will only make them feel burdened with your stress or sadness.
Be proactive and come up with a solid plan so you aren’t trying to put together a group at the last minute. As soon as the plan is established, let your kids know what you will be doing. This will give them time to get used to the idea of what their holiday will now look like and hopefully get excited about it. When a friend had his first Thanksgiving with his very young kids after his divorce and found out that his extended family was all going out of town to visit other relatives, he came up with a completely alternative idea of having a Luau. He went to a local dollar store and bought a bunch of fun items like pineapple shaped drink cups, little umbrellas to put in the drinks and fake leis and lots of pineapple. This way he didn’t have to compete with what they had done in the past and the kids had a blast dressing up in grass skirts, listening to Hawaiian music and making fun tropical looking juice drinks. Or, another idea if you don’t have family to celebrate with this year is to take the kids to volunteer and serve meals for the less fortunate.
If you are establishing a new traditional Thanksgiving plan, talk to your guests ahead of time to remind them not to discuss your divorce in front of the kids. You are trying to minimize the negative effects of the split up and they are listening and noticing comments more than you think! Instead, make a sincere effort to be kind and make a point of having your child call the other parent to let them know they are in their thoughts. The most important thing to remember is that your child should be able to celebrate and enjoy the holiday without feeling guilty about leaving the other parent alone or for having a good time without them.