When a couple decides to end their marriage, one of the biggest concerns is how their children will handle the breakup. Many research studies show that children are very resilient. Most make it through this tumultuous time relatively unscathed and are able to go on to have healthy relationships in their adulthood. The children impacted the most negatively are those whose parents are continuously fighting in front of them. These are kids that are caught in the middle of their parents’ arguments, whose parents criticize each other in their presence and use them as a go-between because they are too angry to actually speak to each other. Children of divorced families might feel insecure and abandoned or rejected by a parent. They might feel guilty that the divorce is their fault, which ultimately translates into depression, anxiety and fear.
One of the most important things that divorcing parents can do for their children is explain to them that they are still loved and are not the reason for the divorce. No matter how stressed or angry they are at one another, it’s important to continue to work together and respectfully communicate for the sake of the kids. Children whose parents repeatedly fight in front of them, don’t feel safe and often end up with low self-esteem. Focusing on your children’s best interest and not your own needs and wants during this time is paramount for their lifelong emotional stability.
A necessary key to success is having self-esteem. Children who feel confident about themselves and the world around them are better able to be independent, act responsibly, have pride in themselves (both their strengths and weaknesses) and react to difficult situations in an appropriate way.
Some tips for nurturing your child’s self-esteem include:
1. Let them know that they are loved and valued without any strings attached.
2. Pay attention and listen closely. Acknowledge their feelings by letting them know you understand instead of telling them that they are overreacting or are incorrect.
3. Be empathetic to their feelings. Point out the good qualities they have to show them that just because they can’t do one thing, they can do another.
4. Impart in them a sense of responsibility by giving them tasks that are age appropriate and that they can do on their own to prove their self-worth.
5. Be encouraging and praise effort. Don’t wait for your children to achieve particular goals, but give them positive feedback along the way. “I like the way you studied for that test.”
The bottom line is that early positive experiences with adults have a great deal of influence on your child’s self-esteem. If you are going through a difficult divorce, you will most likely have to take a court ordered co-parenting program to reinforce the skills you need to raise healthy, well-balanced children. You will be happy to know that most judges will now allow parents to take these co-parenting classes for divorce online. This enables the parent to learn at home without having to worry about finding childcare or missing any work. Online classes are available 24/7 from any Internet connected computer device like an Ipad, Laptop, Tablet, PC or even a Smartphone. Simply get approval from your attorney or judge to take a convenient and affordable online parenting or co-parenting class and you are on your way to becoming the best parent you can be!