Do you feel like you are repeating yourself over and over again, yet your child isn’t responding? Your child just sits there staring at you with a glassy look, or doesn’t even turn towards your direction and you know she has perfectly good hearing? You are asking her to help her little brother but you feel like all she is hearing is “blah… blah, blah… blah, blah” like the adults in the old Peanuts cartoons? Yes, it’s normal behavior for many pre-teens but doesn’t have to be accepted as the status quo. In fact, there are some tried and true strategies that parents and experts agree work towards getting your kids to listen more closely. You could see huge improvement in your family life by adopting these tips into your daily routine.
First of all, start by making a point of listening to them. Take the time to listen to the stories they come home from school excited about, ask questions and show you are engaged. Try to be non-judgmental and talk to them in a calm tone. If you are checking your email or texting someone, you come across as uninterested. By stopping whatever you are doing and making eye contact you show them that you care and in turn you role model how to listen attentively to others.
In return, when you are ready for them to listen to you, don’t just start nagging them from another room. Yelling orders from across the house rarely gets anything accomplished. Once again, put down what you are doing and walk into the same room to engage the child by making eye contact and even asking him or her to pay attention while you speak with him. Wait until he finishes what he’s doing and then use as few words as possible to get your point across. Kids tend to zone out if you are long-winded about the subject at hand. Keep your explanation clear and simple.
Sometimes the way you word something can make all the difference. There has been a general movement towards giving kids more control by giving them choices. However, this can backfire if you have a stubborn, tired or even a slightly rambunctious kid. If you are spending a lot of time spinning in circles because your kids just aren’t doing what you’d like, stop asking and start telling. This means instead of asking them “Do you want to clean your room before or after dinner?” say “Please go upstairs before dinner and put your clothes in the laundry basket and your books on the shelf. Dinner will be ready in 15 minutes.” Calmly explain to them why you are asking them for their cooperation. “If you wait until after dinner, you won’t have the time you need to finish your homework, shower and read.”
Lastly, be consistent! Kids find comfort and security in a predictable home environment. If you set routines and rules then you have a better chance of getting your kids to listen and comply with your wishes. If you ask them to clean their room, but then back down if they whine, plead or ignore you, then you teach them that they don’t really need to listen to you. If you have clearly explained face to face what you would like of them in a respectful and calm manner, and they get in the habit of not complying, show them that you mean business by taking away toys, electronics or other luxuries. On the other hand, reward them with praise when they do listen. With consistency, your kids will eventually learn what the repercussions are and will most likely opt for the positive route.