There has been a huge groundswell over the past couple of decades to get away from the Authoritarian way of parenting that many of us grew up which included strict rules with no input from the kids to the Authoritative style. This style still puts expectations and boundaries on the child’s behavior but in a more nurturing and understanding way. In this scenario, the child’s views are considered and there is a major emphasis on getting the child to think on his own. When rules are broken, the disciplinary action taken by the parents is not punitive but instead aimed at teaching the child reasoning and communication skills to improve behavior.
The result is meant to be a more well-balanced and respectful approach to develop a strong lifelong relationship with your child. Studies show that children raised in this environment generally do well in school, are good at developing positive relationships and have a lower chance of getting involved with drugs and alcohol.
Parents who follow this parenting approach utilize positive discipline to correct bad behavior. It’s never too late to improve your parenting skills. Some of the key strategies involved include:
1. Redirecting. Give the child something else to do to stop the inappropriate behavior. For example, you are at the market and your child is running around making way too much noise and about to knock over the display, tell her to fill up a bag full of apples or to go find the bag of pretzels she likes and bring it right back to the cart.
2. Whispering. Instead of contributing to an already crazy scene by yelling and screaming, get down to the child’s eye level and speak quietly. This helps to calm everything down and gets their attention.
3. Modeling. Sometimes actions are more effective than continuously repeating yourself like a parrot. For example, if your child gets up throughout the night and comes to your bed in the hopes of being allowed in, stay strong and keep walking him back to his bed. You can answer a question or help him get some water but keep taking him back to his own bed. Eventually he will learn that you aren’t going to give in so there’s no point to the entire exercise.
4. Resolving together. Teaching your kids problem solving skills from a young age helps them to develop empathy and increases their self-confidence. Let your child have his say without interrupting. Re-state his point of view clearly to make sure you are on the same page. Explain how the child broke the rule or reacted poorly. Guide them in a discussion of how they could have reacted more appropriately. Have the child help you to come up with an age appropriate consequence and a solution for how to avoid it next time.
5. Proactive encouragement. Focus on reassurance when the child does something right rather than punishment after she’s done something wrong. Tell the child how proud you are for how hard he is working on a project instead of waiting to respond to the final grade.