Build A Quality Relationship With Your Teenager

The quality of relationship you have with your child as he enters the teen years can make all the difference in what path he will choose to take.  Making the transition from childhood to becoming a young adult can be difficult for everyone involved.  Up until this point, the parent may have cultivated friendships for the child, chosen the appropriate after-school activities for them to participate in, and reviewed and helped with homework each day.  Suddenly, your teenager doesn’t want you involved in any of this.  It becomes a dilemma and sometimes a problem, as parents want to hold on to the control that they’ve had since birth, but the adolescent is ready for more independence.   All the hours and hard work you’ve put into building your child’s character is now ready to be put into action. 

It is normal for conflicts to arise, but this is the time to let them start spreading their wings, with a set of boundaries and rules.  Setting guidelines will help them understand that you care about them, that you are still the authority and will reduce the risk of them getting involved in dangerous behaviors like drinking and drugs.  Some tips to get you started are as follows: 

1) Start by sitting down and having a clear discussion about what the rules are and what the punishments will be if they are not followed.

2) Let them be involved in setting rules for themselves.  This way they are more likely to follow the rules.   It gives them a sense of empowerment and maturity and the feeling that you respect their decisions.

3) Be sure to set a curfew.  Listen to them and let them help to decide.  Negotiate with them so they feel a part of the process.  

4) Try to be home with your teen whenever possible.  This reduces the opportunity to engage in inappropriate behavior. 

5) Talk with and listen to your teen.  Put away your phone, step away from the computer, turn off the TV and focus on what they are saying.  It’s important that they feel you are 100% available and open to discuss anything on their mind. 

6) Try to get to know their friends.  Middle school is a time when parents are not as involved on campus.  It’s more difficult to keep track of whom your child is hanging out with.  Whenever possible, open your home and have your child bring friends over.  Try to get to know their parents so your teen knows that there is more than one set of eyes on them. 

7) Most of all let them know that you care.  Just because they are no longer little, doesn’t mean we have to stop the hugs and warm thoughts.  Tell your teenager you love them.

To learn more about how to be a good parent, take online parenting classes.  They are a great way to learn more skills and techniques for raising a healthy, happy teenager.  They are easily accessible online from any Internet based computer and can be taken in the comfort of your own home.  Once you purchase a class, you can login and out as many times as you’d like to learn the material.  Late at night, early in the morning, whatever time best suits your schedule.  Nothing needs to be printed out.  All the information is right there in front of you on the computer screen.  You can take the course with your spouse, so you are both on the same page about new strategies.  They are extremely beneficial to help take the stress out of what can be a challenging transitional time!